I'll Be for You
by Alinei Lyndbeck
Summary: So... Pewdiecry fanfic! My first fanfic. Long story. Long chapters. Fictional facts. A lot of description. Bad words. Sad moments. Funny moments. Song titles. Terrible use of YOUR language (I don't speak English, sorry). And yet, I hope you like it. Yep. I really hope. Thanks for reading it. Love y'all. See ya. Kay. Bye.
1. The Death of Me (Part 1)

Hey, how is it going? So... this is gonna be my first fanfiction, and I'm sure it's not going to be a good one. But hey, everyone likes stories on this page, right? Maybe someone will like it, yeah? Yeah. First of it all I'm going to... establish some facts, because I don't want people to think wrong things about this. **First**:** this is a fanfiction**; it's** totally fictional**, created by me, with my weird imagination. **None of this facts are real**. **Second**: I know everyone can think whatever they want, but please, **don't send me mean messages**; maybe you think my story is a total piece of shit, but I would prefer not to receive bad messages with no good arguments about my story. If you wanna say my story is not good, just say that; I can understand. Thanks. **Third**: **my redaction is probably not going to be good**; **english is not my language** man, so if you see terrible grammar or vocabulary mistakes, please, understand the fact that I don't know english as you may do. I try to write properly, but it's obvious **I'm going to fuck up things a lot**. **Fourth**:** I use a lot of curse words**, sorry if that upset you. **And fifth**:** this is going to be a long story**, I think... Good. I like long stories, and I hope you do. I promise I won't be repetitive, I'll try to keep myself original. As far as I can, **I'll publish a new chapter every week**, but **maybe I'll be delayed sometimes** (fucking school). I think that's all. Yep.

By the way, I published a chapter a few weeks ago, but I deleted it (changed my mind 'bout some facts). So... to the lady that saw it before, , sorry for deleting it. It's going to be a little bit better, I promise. Thanks for reading it before.

And, almost forgot it, the story and the chapters are going to be named as different songs I like, so, at the beggining of every chapter I'm going to put the title of the song and at the end the artist, if you want to check that out.

**That's all. I really hope you like the story, seriously. Love y'all. Heartsign. Kay. Bye.**

So... first chapter. Yep. Here we go.

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**The Death of Me (Part 1)**

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**Cry's POV.**

It was late on the night as I was on my bed thinking. The next day I was going to be a little bit busy, so I needed to rest; but I couldn't, so after a while I let myself to think. I had never had a lot of friends, you know? Not enough to allow myself losing them, after all, so I had always took care of our relationship. I never would try to hurt them and I had been there as much as I can for them, so they can rely on me. After all, they had no reason to be my friends on first place. I've always been a weirdo, even since I was a little kid. What did they see on me then? Laying them I remembered a little bit of how we met, but my mind just took me to remember it all.

I met Russ when we were eight or nine years old, when I moved to the house next to his own. Maybe because I spent all day staring at the sky sitting at the stairs of my front door he eventually saw me and decided to talk to me, or because we were at the same school and classroom... The point is that someday he just sat next to me at school. We didn't even talk for a few days 'til the teacher asked us to be partners at class. And he began to talk A LOT. First I felt bothered, but eventually I put attention and I discovered myself laughing at what he said. And that's how we became friends, without any reason.

I met Scott just a few months later. My mom and his mom were close friends. I saw her a lot at home and she always was nice with me. One day, while Russ and I were playing Mario Kart 64, Scott's mother arrived with him. As my mom and his mom talked, Scott sat on the couch behind us, seeing us play. We played for another five minutes as we had been doing, but when we were about to start another race I stood up and gave Scott my control. I didn't even say something. He stared at me for a moment and took my control. He started having fun with Russ while I saw them. Even without playing I was having fun too. After a few minutes Russ gave me his control and we established a rule: the one who loses gave the one waiting the control (a classic gaming rule). After that, every time Scott came to my house with his mom, we played. Eventually her mom started bringing him with her all the time for us to play. Our friendship moved around videogames for a while. We didn't know a lot about each other for a while. After some time, Scott taught me to play guitar (trying to, 'cause I was terrible), so we spend a lot of time talking.

Then, we all entered middle school. We soon learned that the ones that talked to the "weirdo" (me) were going to be bullied. Russ and Scott didn't care. I tried to convince them to go away from me, so nobody bothered them, but they stayed with me. So we all became misfits. But that didn't stop us from looking at people. There was the group of popular kids which treated everyone as shit, even between them. We call 'em loosers, because they didn't play videogames (as far as we really liked videogames, everything had to be around them). There was also the group of kids that were not popular, but received enough respect to be not considered misfits as us. They were just "not gamers" for us. And then, there were the gamers, us. The ones that loosers and not gamers bothered. That moment is when I started using a mask. I used it for people not to know if what they said and did to me actually affected me. At first I used the one The Crow used as inspiration for his make up, but then I invented one. It was simple, and yet, beautiful. It was just a circle with a poker face on it. I called it 'Sup face. I didn't even know why. I just called it like that.

Between the people we watched there were, of course, girls. We had some standards to judge them: first, their faces (without make up, of course). By the face you can know a lot about people (and decide if they are beautiful). Then, their... physical appearance. We all liked skinny girls, but NOT very skinny; I remember some girls that threw up just to keep their bodies fit. We didn't like that (_A.N. Don't do that. That's bad. Apparently boys don't like that. Nope. They don't. Just sayyan. To all girls and boys that do that: you are beautiful, okay, you don't need to be skinny to be so... Back to the story_). At last, there was the personality, even though it was the most important for us. Why was it at last then? Because we needed to talk to the girls to know about this one. For us, most of the girls had the first two aspects covered, but the third? They were all mean not just to us, but to each other.

At eighth grade some things changed. A close school was closed, so all the students there had to enter our school. The school was actually an art school, so all of the guys there were clever and artistic. We thought we had a chance to fit with somebody, but people was actually pretty much the same. Without knowing us, they were mean to us, so we changed our classifications: the loosers (some of the new guys went with 'em), the not gamers (same thing here) and a new one, the artists (most of them stayed together).

One day we were eating our lunch alone, Scott and Russ were talking about one test we just had; we were not geniuses, but we always had good grades; as they talked about that I was reading a gaming magazine. It was not very informative, but it was good, though. Anyway, we were doing our thing when a group of artists stood in front of our table, the farthest one. That was not new, a lot of people came to our table to insult us, so I did not even look up; but Russ and Scott did. I heard a beautiful, feminine voice saying 'Hi there'. It was such a simple phrase, but it didn't sound mean. I looked up just to see three girls and a guy standing there. The guy seemed uncomfortable as he looked at the ground. And the girls, they were all beautiful. One of them was a redhead, while the other ones were blond. They looked like nice people, but you never know...

'Hi' said Russ cautiously: we knew what people could do. 'Can we help you?' asked Scott a little bit more polite. 'Not really' said the girl that spoke first, one of the blond girls 'We just wanted to ask you if we can sit with you'. Russ and Scott looked at each other, considering the facts and situations. They came to a conclusion and looked at me. They were going to give it a try, but they wanted to know if I was ok with it. I moved the head just a little, so the other ones couldn't see it, but Scott and Russ did. 'Ok, you can sit with us' said Russ with a smile on his face; none of us were used to smile at other people, but as far as we were allowing them to sit with us, why not? 'Thanks' said the redhead.

'So... what is your name?' asked Scott after they all sat down. 'I'm Casey' answered immediately the redhead, offering us her hand 'But my pals always call me Red' 'I wonder why...' said Scott as he shook her hand. Red used glasses, her eyes were green and her skin was a little bit tanned, but that was not weird, I mean, we are in Florida. Russ and Scott were also as tanned as her and the other girls. The ones which skin was white were the other dude and me. Anyway, Red was a tall skinny lady and she had no make up, she didn't need it. 'I'm Susan, or Zotts.' answered then one of the blond girls. As Red, she was skinny and tanned, but she was actually pretty small and looked younger than she was. Her eyes were light brown and part of her hair was dyed black. 'I'm Sam' said the last girl. In my opinion she was the most beautiful of them. Her skin was a little bit yellow, but maybe she was sick. Her blond hair was almost red, and her blue eyes shined as if they had own life. I liked them a lot. She was skinny as well and was as little as Zotts. Something about her face made me think of a little porcelain doll.

We all shook our hands as we introduced ourselves. 'I'm Russell, Russ for short' said my brown haired friend as he stood up and did a little reverence (classy), which helped the girls realized he was a fucking giant; he was a head taller than me. 'I'm Scott' said my other friend as he did the same as Russ. They were the same height, but Scott's hair was short and black. They both had brown eyes. As they sat down, they saw me, as if asking me if I wanted to introduce myself or I would prefer them to do it. I said them I was going to do it. As far as I didn't talk much, not even to them, they learnt to "read" my eyes to know what I was saying.

'I'm... Ryan' I said in almost a whisper. Fortunately they heard me. I passed a nervous hand through my brown, long and messy hair. They must have seen I was nervous as hell, 'cause all the guys on the table smiled at me. I felt the blush growing on my face. Good thing I had my mask. Then I saw the guy sitting in front of me. He was pretty quiet, but he smiled too when I introduced myself. Weird. 'May I ask you something?' said Zotts. 'You already did' I answered. She took a moment to think and she smiled when she got my joke. 'May I ask you something else?' she tried again. 'You just did it.' I answered as I saw the other guys smiling at my joke. I'm not even funny most of the time. Zotts smiled even more. 'You are a clever one, aren't ya?' she asked. I smiled a little bit. 'Okay, what did you want to know?' I said politely. 'Why do you use a mask? I mean, you look cute with it, but it's a little bit weird'. Hearing her calling me cute made me feel weird. No one ever called me like that but my sister when we were young, and my little brother when I laughed at home. That made me hesitate a moment (and blush even more), so Zotts quick said 'It's ok if you don't want to tell us, sorry if...' 'It's ok' I stopped her. 'It's just that no one ever asked. I... guess it's to... protect myself from people. If I wear a mask... they can't tell if I'm happy, or sad. Then they can't bother me that much. I only show my mouth so my friends can hear me and see me smile.' I answered slowly.

They all got quiet for a moment as they thought of what I just said. I felt a little bit weird. It was like if I just said a secret, even if it was never one. After a moment Russ looked at me and said 'Why did you never tell us?' he said. That took all of the other guys to the reality. 'You never asked' I said. 'That is sad, man' said Scott. 'Why did you think I wear it, then?' I asked. That was the longest conversations I had ever had with my best friends. 'I don't know, we just... thought it was one of your weird ideas. We are ok with them, but we don't understand you most of the time.' said Scott. 'You have never been a... talkative guy, you know? Most of the time we don't ask you things 'cause we know we won't understand you.' said Russ 'And yet, you are one of the nicest, coolest guys we know' ended Scott. All of us were in silence. Then Russ continued 'We don't understand you, but it's not necessary, you are always there for us. We can count of you for everything. That's why you are our friend'. The last part was just a whisper. I felt weird hearing them saying such nice things to me in front of some guys we just met. Fortunately, they didn't say anything.

'What's your name?' asked Sam to the guy in front of me after some minutes of silence. 'I'm...' started the guy. 'Waaait a second' said Scott 'You don't know him?' asked. 'No, what made you think of that?' answered Red. 'You came here together!' replied Scott. 'Well, we found him alone outside this dining room, so... we invited him to come with us' answered Zotts. 'That's nice' said Russ. 'So, what's your name?' tried again Sam. The guy stayed quiet for a moment, making sure no one was going to interrupt again. 'I'm Da...' 'SNAKE!' screamed Scott. Russ and he laughed immediately, and I smiled too. It was, indeed, the voice of Solid Snake, from Metal Gear Solid. 'Sorry, I just thought of Solid Snake because of your voice' said Scott after a while. 'Yeah, I know. My name is David, but my siblings call me Snake too' finished. 'I knew it! How many siblings you have?' asked Scott. 'Four' he answered immediately. 'Wow, are you the younger one?' said Red. 'What the... How do you know that?' Snake looked at her with his light blue eyes. 'I think I saw y'all when you moved' answered Red. 'God dammit' said Snake. 'So... are you a gamer?' asked Russ. That was a serious one for us. 'Kind of; I don't play often, but when I do, it's for hours.' Answered Snake. I covered my ears just in time. 'YES!' screamed Scott. It was not a loud scream, but I couldn't take loud noises. 'And you ladies? You like videogames?' asked Russ. 'Not really. We prefer to play music or do some drawings and paintings' answered Zotts. 'What do you play?' replied Scott. 'Piano, why?' said Zotts. 'I play guitar.' Scott smiled at her. Apparently, for musicians it's cool to meet other musicians, just as for gamers is to meet other gamers. 'We could play some time together' replied Zotts, smiling too.

'Yeah, totally. What about...' The bell started to sound, indicating the end of the rest. 'Can we come here tomorrow?' asked Red. 'Totally' answered Russ and Scott at the same time. They looked at me. 'Sure, if you want to' I said. The girls came to us and kiss all of us on the cheek (they kissed Snake too). Then we all went to our classes. Well, that was interesting, I thought as we went our classroom.

The next days went that way. We got to know each other, and eventually, we all became close friends. Personally I learnt a lot of things about everyone. Snake was very quiet most of the time, but with us he talked a lot. As far as he was the younger in his family he didn't received a lot of love from them, so he didn't really know what does it feel to have people who cared of him. I could relate a lot to him. Zotts was a really talented pianist-artist. We soon learnt her dad had to travel a lot, so we associate that to the fact she loved traveling. Red was as well a talented artist, but she didn't enjoy music as most of us did. Less than one month after we met her I could see something growing between Russ and her. I felt happy for 'em. And then there was Sam. She was absolutely beautiful to me. I realized I had a crush on her; but I didn't want to do things that way. I wanted her to become closer to me before even trying something weird. I loved her in every way possible, but I knew she was hiding something from us. I didn't know what, but I felt something was not ok. I never asked, though. I was scared of fuck things up, I guess.

Anyway, after we said everything we could say, we started doing things. I always spent time on my room playing videogames; but as soon as my friends started to hang out almost everyday, they eventually got me to go with 'em. We spent a lot of time going to museums, galleries, parks... a lot of places, actually. We got to know all the city. And our relationships became something serious. We were all friends, but Red and Russ one day came with the notice they were going out together. That happened soon with Scott and Zotts. We were all happy about them all being together, but that didn't help me a lot about what I felt for Sam. I didn't know what to do.

The year soon ended and we entered high school. That time none of us tried to fit in anywhere. We were happy being all together. The first days were peacefully days, but one week later people started bothering us. We didn't even care. I didn't even care when some fuckers hit me so bad I had to go to the infirmary. Of course my pals were worried, but as far as I took it all with a smile they relaxed. Snake started going with me everywhere, though. He was not the stronger dude, but he looked intimidating. I thanked him a lot. When things are good and you have no worries, time go fast to you, you know? Things were going so good that I didn't even realized the ninth grade was almost over. One day, Sam came to me as I was playing some Counter Strike: Source.

'Hey' she said with her cute voice. I took my eyes away from the screen to look at her through the holes of my mask. 'Hey, how are you doing' I answered. 'Fine, thanks. What are you doing?' she said as she tried to look over my screen. 'Just wasting time, you know.' She smiled at me. I felt my heart melted and my stomach did some weird shit. 'Can I show you something awesome?' she said. As for answer I gave her my chair in front of my computer. She smiled again. She entered a page I knew already. It was called YouTube. 'What are you looking for?' I asked with curiosity. 'My channel' she answered as if it was obvious. She showed it to me. There was only one video. And it was of her drawing some weird cute little thing. 'What's that?' I asked. 'Is it not obvious? It's a 'SUP GUY!' she said. I realized the thing had my 'sup face on it. 'You invented it?' I asked. 'Yes. I remembered some drawing you did once of something like this and I just put on it your face' she answered proudly. What can I say? That thingy was cute, and she looked so cute hoping for my reaction. 'I... It's cute. Really. But there's something wrong with it...' I said. 'What is it?' she said worried. 'It's mouth is not an horizontal line, see? It's a diagonal!' I said. She laughed a lot to my comment. I smiled too. I never laughed to 'em. Only to my little brother, who was almost six years old. I hugged her as I said 'It's cute, thanks for making it'. 'You're welcome... Do you have a channel yet?' she asked. 'Nope, I don't know how to call it' I answered. That was true, I tried to make one, but I didn't know how to call it. 'Cry' she said all of a sudden. 'What?' I asked. 'It should be called like that' 'Why?' 'I don't know. Sometimes I look at you and I think of crying. I don't even know why' she whispered. 'Mmm, maybe it should be "Chaotic"' 'Why's that?' 'Because you are chaotic sometimes' 'VERY funny... Maybe Cryaotic?' 'Is that a mix?' 'Yes' 'Mmm... MONKEY!' She laughed at that. 'Why monkey?' 'I like 'em, they are cute as shit... ChaoticMonkey?' 'In that case ChaoticMonki, it sounds cuter. Still, I like Cryaotic...' 'What if I change it to Cryaotic sometime?' I asked 'YES, but, how many time?' she asked. 'You decide.' I said. 'Seven years... don't even ask why' 'Ok. Seven years from now on it's gonna be called ChaoticMonki, and then I'll change it to Cryaotic, deal?' 'Deal' she said before kissing me on the cheek.

Soon we reached our last year at school. We were all going to go to different universities, so we decided to spend our time together as much as we could. Things had never been good at my home, but for once I decided to leave that a little apart and enjoy the most I could with my friends and my brother. I think I should also mention my relationship with my family. We were all close, but my mother... she needed love, you know? The kind of love only another man in her life could give her. Passing through the years I saw a lot of faces with her. Some of them ended up soon, some of them took their time. But they all ended. And most of them not in a good way. My mom always tried to be a good mother, and she was a good one, the best she could. But most of the time she wasn't there, so my sister and I had to raise our little fella, Nathan. At the time I was on the last year of high school my sister was living on New York (back home) to study the university. So my brother and I spent a lot of time together, playing videogames (I think I should mention as well most of the time I let him win).

We were all having a good time when it all went to shit.

It happened when there was missing one week of school. We were having sports class (none of us liked it, but it was obligatory to have it) and we were playing some basketball against some dudes from another school. We were winning. I think that made them became angry (bad loosers) so they started cheating. We didn't care. We were still winning. When you are angry you can hardly focus on anything, so they didn't realized our technique. Then, one girl from the other team took Sam by the hair, with the intention of stop her from taking a ball that was not even close to her. We all expected Sam to scream of pain, but what happened? Her hair fell all together. We all went on shock while that bitch screamed 'GROSS!' we didn't heard her. Sam... her hair was a wig? Why? Then it all went together. Sam had cancer. That was why her skin was a little bit yellow; that was the reason she looked sick all the time; that was what she was hiding from us since the begining. She was dying. The trainer stopped the game. It was not even necessary. He told us to leave. We did it. I wanted to scream, to cry. But I couldn't. We changed our clothes fast and waited outside the gym the girls. We didn't even talk.

Then they arrived. Red and Zotts seemed as shocked as us. But Sam talked before we could say anything. 'Look, I know you're all worried. I can understand that. I appreciate that. Thanks for care 'bout me. But the last thing I need is my best friends to remind me I'm dying. Yes. I have cancer. Yes. I'm dying. Yes. I just have three weeks of life left. So. Why would we make them bad? I don't need anyone to say "sorry" about something we can't control. I want you just to be my friends, as always. I want to go out with you and have a good time. I want to hear Cry laugh once. I want to die happy for fuck's sake. I don't want to remember my last moments as being on a fucking bed while my friends look at me trying not to cry while they realise there's no hope. Come on, I just want to do the most I can before I can't even stand up. Is it much to ask?' she ended. An awkward silence surrounded us. Then I surprised myself saying 'No. It's not that much to ask. I'll help you die happy, if you want.' I said no more. Eventually all of us said something similar. I couldn't hear them. Something inside of me was broken.

The next two weeks we went to every place Sam wanted to, even if we had already been there. We didn't care. Then, Sam went weak enough to not be able to go out of bed. We went to her house every day. I should mention I didn't even cry once those weeks. Then, Sunday arrived. It was sunny. But not for us. The doctor just said to us this was her last day. So Russ and Scott, remembering her promising us not to play a videogame until the day of her death, brought a console to her house. The chosen game was Mario Kart: Double Dash!. It was a lot of fun to play it, but I really didn't want to play it. Anyway, we entered Sam room after asking her mom for permission. There she was. Like a little butterfly with a broken wing, still beautiful, but waiting for the imminent end.

'Hey' said Russ softly. Sam looked at him. He hadn't been sleeping. None of us. 'You look like shit. Even worse than me.' Sam said smiling. Russ and Scott smiled a little bit. Red sat on Sam's bed. 'How're ya doing pal?' asked. 'Fine, thanks.' Zotts sat on the other side of the bed. 'These fuckers brought you something' said smiling. None of us were happy about the situation, but we wanted her to be happy. Sam saw the GameCube Snake was carrying. 'Oh my god... Really? Well, I guess I'm going to give it a fuckin' try' She said smiling. Even then her smile was adorable. We soon set things up and we began playing. I smiled a little bit sometimes 'til Russ did the most stupid shit he could ever do. It was like a little explosion inside me. All the pressure I had got realized by the wonders of a laugh I usually didn't have. And damn, it was awesome. All my friends stared at me as I laughed loudly with a clear and beautiful amount of happiness. Snake and Sam laughed too. I knew that was what she needed, and I gave it to her involuntary. Sometimes I love myself for things as this. When I ended up laughing I felt tired as shit, but a little bit better. We continued playing. No one said anything 'bout my laugher. The sun started to fall and Sam's condition went bad, so we said goodbye to her for the last time. Suddenly I was alone in the room with Sam.

'Hey, you should laugh more often, your laugh is wonderful' she said. I smiled. Then her expression changed. 'Why are you crying?' I just realised that when she mentioned. I didn't answer, though. I just came closer to her as I took my mask off. I wanted her to look at my face before it was too late. She sighed loudly as she was running out of life. 'You know? I always loved you. I wish we had more time...' she came closer to me, and so did I. We exchanged a short and soft kiss while I let the tears go out. 'Remember your promise?' I moved the head as I remembered the whole Cryaotic thing. I didn't even realized those last weeks she changed my name to Cry. 'Good... I love you, Cry' said before the dead was shown on her face.

When she closed her eyes I felt something inside of me breaking.

When her heart stopped beating, it was also the death of me.

I woke up all of a sudden, sweating. That was the worst of my nightmares, and yet, eight years later, the most common one. I went to the bathroom and took some pills. They were for making me sleep without dreams. They were wonderful. I returned to my bed and took my cat on my arms as I fell asleep thinking of Sam's beautiful smile.

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Damn... almost eight hours and 4898 words later. I have to do my homework. Hope you like this story so far. Sorry if I make you wait a whole week for Pewds POV of that title. It has more relationship with the song. I promise. I gotta do my homework now pals. Thanks for reading this. And sorry if I let myself go a little, this is all fictional. Damn. Ok. Fucking homework time. See you other day. Bye guys. Love y'all.

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**Song: Asking Alexandria - The Death of Me**


	2. The Death of Me (Part 2)

So... Chapter 1, part 2. Awesome. I feel tired as shit, but at least I don't have homework. This should be good. Still, I feel I am going to upload this a little bit late, or maybe tomorrow. It all depends on how the story goes. Yep.

Thanks to the guys who read the first part. It means a lot. Also, thanks to the guys following the story. That's freaking amazing.

Anyway, I'll get right to it, right? Right. Also, I'm going to try another method: I'll write it all and then check if it's ok, 'cause that's the main reason it took so long last week. Yeah... Still, I feel like I am going to fuck up things again.

Ok, with that all said, lets get this started.

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**The Death of Me (Part 2)**

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**Pewdie's POV.**

It was the early in the morning, but I was still editing. I just finished playing a LONG Amnesia Custom Story and I wanted to have all the videos ready for the week. I am usually lazy, but that day I didn't have anything else to do. I just cleaned up my apartment and I left enough food for my dogs. I looked at my clock: 9 o'clock. I had been sat down for at least 7 hours, so I decided to go out for a walk.

I put Maya and Ynk their belt and took them both with me. We walked to the Slottsskogen Park. It was still summer, but people usually stick to the area close to the museum. I guided my little fellas to a road people usually didn't go to. It was usually only used by people who went out for a jog, so we found some persons. Still, it was a beautiful and calm day. Everything outside was perfect.

But inside, I was a mess.

Despite my wish, I started remembering everything about Marzia. I remembered every single detail about her: Her face, her body, her voice, her personality. Everything I loosed. But that was not the worst. The worst of it all was the thought of all the things we spent together. All the times we stared at each other eyes. All the smiles we exchanged. All the kisses we had... And all the lies we gave each other.

Yes, I missed the lies. At least through them we could still be together. Faking we didn't know about what the other one did, but knowing it as clear as water, hoping it was just a stationary state, a passenger situation. Something the other one lied about 'cause we didn't want to hurt each other. Trusting we were right hiding it all.

I missed that; but eventually it came to an end.

I remembered it.

I didn't remember the date it happened, or even the place it all started, but I remembered the essential fact about it. I knew it was a Friday, because I just ended my Friday video. Marzia entered the room. She was wearing a blue dress with white dots. I liked that dress a lot. I smiled at her as I looked her face. Then I realized something was wrong. She didn't smile me. She didn't even looked at me. Her mind was in another place. I had never seen her like that.

'Marzia, are you ok?' I asked softly, because I thought she could get scared. She didn't. 'Yes, I'm ok Felix' she answered in a monotone voice. By that moment I knew something was definitely bad. 'Are you sure? You can tell me anything, you know' I continued. I was trying to see if she was lying. Even when she was, she looked at my face. Something was terribly bad.

'I know, I'm ok. It's just...' she hesitated for a moment. She was going to tell me the truth, I knew that. 'We need to talk' she ended after a few minutes of silence. I turned off my computer and took her to the dark green sofa. She didn't let me touch her, but she followed me.

'Look, I've been trying to talk to you about this for a long time, but I didn't know how to do it. Sorry for keeping it for myself' she started. She seemed awesomely cold to me. 'It's ok. What is it?' I asked. 'First let me talk and when I'm over you can talk, is it ok?' she asked. I moved the head saying yes to her. I was really curious what was she hiding, but I didn't want to press.

She stayed quiet for a few minutes. I could see she didn't know what to say, or actually, HOW to say it. I waited then, being patient once. I know I can be really annoying most of the time. But I saw Marzia fighting with herself, so I used the little lack of patience that leaded on me. 'You know what? I'm just going to say it' she said after a while. I prepared myself for the worst scenery. It was even worse. 'I'm pregnant'.

I got frozen. For a little moment I felt my stomach empty, and my heart skipped a beat. Pregnant. I guess I had the same reaction as every man who had received that notice ever. Nervous. Speechless. Happy.

But I was not happy.

I had never been with Marzia in THAT way. The son she waited was not mine. She didn't even have to finish what she needed to say. I didn't know what to do. I stayed quiet for a while. What should I say? What was I supposed to do? Then I thought for a moment. What was that going to do? Did that really affect our relationship? Was I going to die? No. It changed nothing. I still loved Marzia. That wasn't going to change. I will support her as far as I could, even if she wanted to be with someone else.

'Wanna talk about it?' I asked after a moment. She denied with her head. There was still something she wanted to tell me. I figured a lot of possibilities, and eventually took the obvious one. 'Do you want to be with the father of your son?' I asked. I could see her relief. I knew then she didn't want to hurt me. She slowly moved her head, saying me in silence 'Yes'. I hugged her for a moment before she could avoid me and went to my room.

I started packing my things. It was Marzia's house, after all. I still had an apartment back in Sweden, so I was going to return there. Did I feel bad? Of course I did, but I remembered some lyrics from a Swedish band, which said "If you love somebody, you gotta let them go". And I was going to do that. I didn't care if Marzia liked somebody else. I didn't care if Marzia was going to be a mother. At least I had the memories of the times we had together. They were OUR memories. Nobody else had anything to do with them.

I finished packing my things. It was late in the evening, so I would have to stay there for the night; I hoped Marzia didn't care. I phoned the airport and made a reservation for a ticket to Sweden. They only had one available for the next day, so I felt a little bit better: things were going good so far. I thought I could manage to survive the break up with a smile on the face. Maybe it wasn't bad at all that we decided not to be together anymore. At least Marzia and her son's dad would be happy together, and they could raise their kid as it is supposed to be. Maybe I could end in good terms with both of them, being in a friendship of some sort. I went to sleep with that hopes on mind and a smile in my face. I thought I could be happy even without Marzia by my side.

The next day I realised I couldn't. Why?

Through the two years and a half that we spent together I gave so much of myself to Marzia. She made me change, she made me fit herself, and she was the one who made us a happy couple for a long time. Maybe she didn't do it on purpose, but that didn't change the fact that she converted a shy introvert guy into a total extrovert that has no problem in making people laugh to me and to like me. Before I knew her I was afraid of people. I was afraid of what they could do to me. But when I met her, she made me realize people wasn't that bad. But that was her thought. I still knew there was evil people everywhere, people who wanted to hurt me, and even her. People who would leave a kid on the fire just to save themselves. People who lied to get a benefit to themselves. But, as long as Marzia was around me, it didn't matter. People could be as they wanted to be, it couldn't affect me. Why? Because of Marzia. She made me trust people, but also she made me forgot most of the time of the bad things that were walking everyday next to me. I needed Marzia because of that. She was the one that trusted in them, not me. She was my "shield" to bad people. Without her I was going to start doubting about everyone, even my family and friends.

My friends... Would they help me through my situation? I needed somebody, indeed. But I couldn't rely on my family to do it. They were nice people, but I needed someone who knew me in all the possible aspects. Of course, the obvious person to do that was Marzia, but if she weren't around, who would do that? My friends. They knew me as good as Marzia, even better in some ways. I needed one of my friends to get above the break up and my fears. But... who?

Almost all of my Italian friends were Marzia's friends; I needed someone closer to me than to her. My friends in Sweden were almost forgotten, so that wasn't a real option. My English pals were a more reasonable option, but they all had jobs and responsibilities to attend, so I couldn't distract them. America was my last option, but, as my English friends, they had things to do.

I got up of my bed and took a quick shower. I think the water was cold, but I didn't care, did I? I guess you could say I was depressed. I desperately needed someone, but there was nobody to spend the time with until my wounds healed. I took my suitcase and my backpack. There was a lot of stuff that Marzia would need to send me, but I had some money to give her with that purpose. I went down stairs and I froze when I saw a guy in there. At first I didn't recognize him, but then I saw it was one of Marzia's best friends, Stefano. I recovered and went to say hi to him.

'Stefano! Bro, how is it going?' I asked. He turned and looked at me in a weird way. 'Hello, Felix' he answered cautiously. What was wrong?, I asked to myself. 'Are you ok? You look weird... Did something happen?' I asked nicely. I just wanted to know what was wrong with him. 'I'm fine, thanks, and you?' 'I'm fine. What are you doing here? It's only 7 o'clock' How was I supposed to know? 'Marzia called me as soon as she told you. I thought there might be problems, so I came here to help her.' He answered. I calmed even more. 'There's no problem at all. There won't be. I don't own Marzia, so she is free to do whateva she wants' I continued being nice. Big mistake. 'In that case, why don't you leave?' he was starting to be rude. Why? 'I am leaving in about half an hour, don't worry... Seriously, is there anything bad?' Stupid Pewds. I should have stopped there. 'Yes, there is'. 'What is it' I promise, I was seriously concerned. 'You' he said as he punched me in the face. I didn't feel it at first, even when I fell on the ground. He started kicking me. What was going on? Why did he hit me? Why did Marzia called him? He continued kicking me. I saw Marzia on the door. She did nothing. Why? He continued kicking me. I felt one of my ribs cracking inside of me. Marzia said something. I couldn't hear it. He stopped kicking me. What was going on? I felt Stefano leave, but Marzia knelt by my side.

'You should have left, you know? It would have been better. But at least now you know what can you expect if you come here again.' I heard those words, but I did not understand them. I got some air and pushed myself to say 'What's going on?' Marzia laughed in a way I wasn't expecting. She was... mean, heartless. I don't know. She was not the Marzia I knew. 'What's going on, dear Felix, is that he is the one that I love. I've loved him even before we met. But I gave you a chance because you were cute. Still, he is the father of my son, so I have to stay with him. I'm sure you understand, don't you?' I did understand. Last night I promised myself to respect Marzia's decision, but now that I knew who was the guy? I needed to leave before I did something stupid. I got up, took my stuff and asked Marzia 'Can you please send me my fans stuff? I would hate to leave it. You can keep what you want. Here's the money. Just send it to my apartment in Sweden'. 'I'll do it, don't worry. I don't want all that garbage in here, anyway. Thanks'. She was so cruel at that moment. Still, I meant it when I said 'Hope you are happy with him. And I hope you two do the right thing for your son. Farewell'. 'Wait! What about your dog? Are you leaving it to us?' screamed Stefano. I took Maya in my arms and packed some of the stuff I was going to need to take care of her. Then I left and caught a taxi to the airport.

I tried not to think, but I couldn't stop, not that time, in the taxi, neither this time in the park. I saw the storm coming, so I took my dogs in arms and started walking towards home.

You might want to know what happened next. Nothing really. I arrived to the airport and took the flight to Sweden. I fell immediately to sleep and I slept the whole flight, what was awesome. Then I arrived and went to my flat. It was in a quiet area close to the Slottsskogen Park, in Gothenburg, my natal city. I didn't even find fans in the way, what was kind of weird: I had a lot of fans in there. I did not complain, though. I needed silence to think.

What was I going to do? Of course I was going to continue my Youtube career, no doubt on that. But, what was I going to do with myself? How was I supposed to get over that shitty moment in my life? How could I be happy without playing videogames? Of course I could forget it all while playing, but I needed someone, anyone to talk.

As if he knew it, he called. I can't really explain how confused I felt when my phone rang; I thought it was Marzia, even if my phone didn't show her number. I left it rang. If she wanted to talk, she was going to call again. Then, the phone rang again. I answered.

'What do you want?' I said as I left Maya in my flat's ground and jumped in the sofa, tired as shit. 'Amm, to say hi, I guess' the voice that talked was so different to the one I was expecting that I got in silence. It was a beautiful, relaxing, husky voice; but I couldn't associate any face to it. The silence continued. The person who was on the other side of the line was so quiet he could have been gone by that moment. Then, he spoke again. 'Sorry if I disturbed you. See you another day. Goodb...' 'Wait!' I almost screamed. I recognized that voice. That wonderful voice belonged to my best friend, the one I didn't even think when I considered my friends earlier. I felt terrible for that, but at least he didn't know.

He continued being quiet, waiting for me. I barely spoke to him before if it wasn't because of videogames. But I loved the fact he did it that time. 'Sorry, bro; I've been having a shitty day. I didn't even look at your number. How are you doing' I asked in the happier voice I could afford that moment. 'I'm fine, thanks. Sorry you are having a bad day' he answered. 'Is ok, sorry for being such a bitch to you, bro. So... why are you call, dude?' I asked. 'It's all right, don't worry. Just wanted to ask you if you wanted to play something. I am bored and no one of my friends want to hang out'.

I wanted to say yes, but I knew I still need time to get over my business and focus on videogames, so I thought the best way to explain things without explaining anything. As far as he was still waiting, I decided to improvise. 'I would like to, really, but I already have a compromise. Sorry dude. Another day maybe?' 'Sure, don't worry. Just call me when you want to, ok? I guess I'll let you go, then...' He didn't sound good, so I decided to keep talking to him for a bit. 'So... how's everything going?' 'It's all good, thanks, and for you?' Was he avoiding my questions? 'Same here. A little bit stressed, though' I wasn't lying. I was worried about him. I heard in the distance the purr of a cat, so I guessed his cat was there. Indeed it was there: I heard him and his owner fighting a little bit. I smiled to myself.

'I should be going, bro... Are you sure you are ok?' I asked. He was extremely silent that day. 'I'm fine, don't worry about me. See you other day. Have a good... whatever you are having' I laughed. 'Have a good day sir. Farewell' I joked. 'Yeah, sure. Whatever, you Swede fucker' I laughed until my belly hurt. It didn't matter. He was good enough to joke. 'I fucking hate you, pal. My belly hurts' 'Seriously. Great! Achievement unlocked: Make a Swede insult you because of laugher' 'God damn you, pal. See you other day, bro' 'Yeah, sure, bye!' he said with a cute voice. Wait... Cute? Ah, it doesn't matter.

Still, he didn't hang his phone, and I discovered myself asking 'Hey, wait... would you like to visit me sometime? I am back in Sweden, and I guess it would be cool to hang out a bit...' 'In a romantic way? Sure, I always wanted to hang out with the most famous Youtuber in history' I laughed again, but as soon as I recovered I said 'I meant it' 'Me too'. We stayed quiet for a moment, waiting for the other one to laugh. I gave up.

'Okay, sorry. I'll be going now' 'Nope. Forgive me. I'm just joking. Of course I would like to go Pewds, just... just tell me when and I'll get stuff in order to go'. I felt wonderful. My best friend was going to come visit me... 'What about... September?' 'Earth, Wind and Fire? Or Daughtry?' he asked. I didn't even like a lot Daughtry, but I loved that song, so I answered 'A mix' 'Sweeeet. I love both of them... I like the most Wake Me Up When September Ends, though. Green Day is fucking amazing. What were we talking about? Oh, yeah. I think I can sort stuff for the second or third week. Is it ok?' 'Sure, sounds fine'. I didn't like the idea of waiting almost a month, but if he stayed more than three weeks it was going to be ok. 'Okey, I _really _should be going now, bro. See you in the middle of September'. 'Ha! Jokes... See you Pewds. Take care'. 'See you Cry. Stay awesome'. We both hung the phone at the same time. Next I put all my things where they belonged and cleaned the apartment. It was just a little bit dusty. Then, I fell to sleep.

I suddenly "woke up" when it began raining. I ran home to save my doggies from the rain. I entered my house then. Earlier that day Cry sent me a message telling me he was going to get Gothenburg the next day, so I decided to clean my appartment and get some food and stuff in Nordstan and the shops near there. I left some food to Maya and Ynk, got a hoodie and walked to the street to get a cab. When I was on the mall, nothing happened. I just found a few bros walking over there, but almost none of them recognized me: I had my hoodie. I bought what I needed, and walked to the exit.

Then I saw it. It was a Gorillaz hoodie. Nothing was special about it, but I remembered Cry mentioned once it was his favourite band. And the announcement bellow it said it was limmited edition. So Cry couldn't have it, could he? That gave me an idea. I entered the shop and asked for the price. In dollars it only cost 50 dollars. Not expensive at all. If I bought it I could also get some earphones. I considered my options. I could buy it to Cry, or just leave it there.

I left the store with a bag on the hands. I hoped it was Cry's size, though. How was I supposed to know his size? I had never seen him, which made his visit even more interesting. Which reminded me of something... How was I going to recognize him in the airport? Well, I hoped _he_ recognized me.

I returned home and put all the things in their places. Then I went to my computer and turned it on. I had to upload the Fridays With PewDiePie video I did the day before. I prepared myself some macaroni with cheese while my computer did the job. I ate in silence until it became uncomfortable. Then I listened some Gorillaz music; I wanted to see why Cry liked them so much. I never really heard their songs, but I discovered I really liked them. I started singing the chorus of every song, and continued listening to them, even when my macaroni were over and the video was uploaded. I would have liked to listen them all night, but I had to have some rest for the next day. After all, I was going to meet Cry next day.

I thought again of Marzia. She was happy, so, why wouldn't I be happy too? Maybe I was not going to get someone to love, but a friend is even better than that sometimes. I promised myself not to think of Marzia next day. And the day next to that one. As far as I were with Cry, I wasn't going to think of her. I couldn't let our relationship be like a poison to me. I couldn't let her kill me. Then I swore I wouldn't let her be the death of me. Never.

I fell asleep, thinking of the awesome things I wanted to do with Cry. Some of them were crazy as hell, but... did I really care? No. Not even a bit.

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Hey guys! So... This was supposed to be uploaded two weeks ago, but I couldn't write a lot due to school. And just the day when I was going to upload it my phone got stolen (I write in there because my parents would kill me if they read what I write). Fortunately they caught the fuckers, and I got my phone back. Still, sorry for the delay. Things went to shit.

Anyway. Thanks for reading the chapter, hope you enjoyed it. As you may see, I gave Pewds and Cry reasons to be sad, and by that I mean reasons to help each other. They are going to get together in the next chapter, I promise. Probably I will upload that one in tomorrow. Hope you like the story so far. I'm doing my best.

I think I am going to do chapters like this. Two parts, one for Cry, one for Pewds. It's easy to work like that. Yeah.

Gotta go study now pals. I'll upload Chapter 2, part 1 tomorrow and I'll check private messages and/or reviews a few times this week.

All right. See you tomorrow. Love ya'll. Heartsign. Bye.

*BROFIST*

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**(The song from the swedish band I mentioned is called Lovekills, by Her Bright Skies, just sayyan).**

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**Song: Asking Alexandria - The Death of Me**


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